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Home | Who We Are | Why Dialogue?

Why Dialogue?

Quotes on the significance of dialogue from the Network for Peace

Article by Kathleen Kanet, Published by the Daughters of Wisdom in the 2009 Fall Newsletter

It's encouaging to hear politicians on the local and global level call for dialogue as an alternative to engaging in violence or confl ict. Dialogue is a necessary prerequisite to the making and keeping of peace. Dialogue prepares the stage for the resolution of confl icts to be resolved and dialogue then will hold the peace together. If this stage is skipped, the peace process can be slowed or even fall apart after the violence ceases. Believing that dialogue is so important in working for peace, we at the Network for Peace through Dialogue focus our work to promote the practice of dialogue and to create and engage others in gaining dialogue skills.

While dialogue can be understood in some way to be a conversation, it is more than that. Dialogue means listening to the other without trying to change the other to think or to be the way we want them to be. It means letting the other be who she is and recognizing and accepting those differences. It is listening with the intention to understand the other person. Dialogue demands a deep sense of trust. It is not coming to agreement nor is it in itself problem solving. Yet, it sets the stage so that confl icts may be solved. While we may be hearing more and more about the need for dialogue, it is very diffi cult to achieve. Dialogue is hard work.

Knowing how diffi cult is the practice of dialogue, we make every effort to practice it ourselves in all we do. We model it in all our activities. We are constant learners in the process.

We have developed some thoughts about what constitutes high quality dialogue and we use them in all of our meetings and urge people to use them in their meetings, classes, or everyday discussion to evaluate the quality of their dialogue.

#1. Responses show an honest expression of one’s own opinion:

PARTICIPANTS express their own opinion rather than talking about “them” or in universal truths.
PARTICIPANTS relate a similar feeling or story to what has been said.
PARTICIPANTS state different opinions in a non-threatening way.

#2. Responses show empathetic and attentive listening:

PARTICIPANTS paraphrase the others’ point of view.
PARTICIPANTS ask clarifying questions.
PARTICIPANTS make statements recognizing the feelings of the other.

#3. Responses show an effort to understand the other:

PARTICIPANTS respond to others’ insights with questions, agreements or respectful disagreements.
PARTICIPANTS do not try to convince others to change their point of view.

#4. Responses show willingness to be transformed by the experience:

PARTICIPANTS state what they have learned from others.
PARTICIPANTS acknowledge any changes in their points of view.
PARTICIPANTS identify their own assumptions.

This past year we held a Dialogue Facilitators Networking Group (DFNG), a gathering of twelve New York City-based dialogue practitioners. This group recently concluded a sixmonth series focusing on the intricacies of good dialogue. It included skill-building reviews and exercises, discussions about different methodologies, and healthy consultation on how to have disagreement and confrontation without being destructive. A professional writer was present and we have published a book on these proceedings titled, “Who Dialogues (and where and when and why)”.

Our 2009 Living Room Dialogue series on the economic downturn brought groups of grassroots folk together to explore how the economic climate has impacted individuals, communities, and the world at large. In addition to the topic in those meetings, the groups practiced various dialogue methods. For detailed reports on these dialogues and of all of our programs, please go to our website, www. networkforpeace.com, as it is both our archive and our way of sharing with others how we learn to dialogue.