Living Room Dialogue

February 13

Impressions of Jordan and Arabic studies by Kelly James

Respond to our blog "What Questions Should we be asking about globalization?"

Kathleen Kanet
We are hearing more and more about dialogue.  We here at Network for Peace through Dialogue see dialogue as a first and primary step in the peace making process and if we miss that step, we cannot then achieve a lasting peace.  Dialogue means listening to the other without trying to change her/him or them to think or to be the way we want them to be. It means letting the other be who she is and recognizing and accepting those differences. It involves a sense of trust.  It is not coming to agreement nor is it in itself problem solving.  Yet, it sets the stage so that conflicts may be solved. It seems that the conflicts that await us all in this human family are escalating and becoming more dangerous.  While we may be hearing more and more about dialogue, not much of it is happening. We do recognize that practicing dialogue is hard work. At the same time, we are encouraged that so many organizations and individuals are coming to think about and to share ways of practicing that essential work of listening and creating conversations of dialogue with one another.
» Read article on dilaogue by Kathleen, published by the Daughters of Wisdom 2009 Fall Newsletter

Pamela Zivari, Network program director

If I were a computer................

If I were a computer, I would run a dialogue program as my communication software package. It is easy to install because humans are already formatted to talk meaningfully with each other. While it takes a bit of time to learn the basics, you can use a good dialogue program to network with as many other computers as you wish. Also, multiple users don't dilute its efficacy. In fact, using a good dialogue program with a group is a very effective way to build effective communication. The program also has many, diverse applications. You can solve problems with it, create documents using it, design buildings on it, run loving families with it. Also, it comes equipped with its own virus protection function. Because a good dialogue program automatically asks clarifying questions, it brings to light the inevitable bugs arising in any system. Then, the program fixes the bugs, replacing errors with accurate information that keeps the computer running smoothly. Warning: don't attempt to run both a dialogue communication package and a debate communication package simultaneously. The debate package overwrites the dialogue package, shuts down the hard drive, unlinks the network and stops all communication cold. Debate is the Trojan horse of good dialogue. Run it at your own risk!

Laurence Berg, Network Board Member
What’s dialogue got to do with peace?

This struck me as an appropriate question to ask – and try to answer – when thinking about the work of the Network for Peace Through Dialogue. Here is one answer to that question.

Peace, itself, is not the last step in a long process that, once we reach it, we can just sit back and enjoy. It is a continuing, changing state that needs constant attention and effort. Hard work, perhaps, but a lot easier than war or fighting. But what does that work consist of? On the world stage, it is often called diplomacy, both formal and informal. At the local level, though we don’t use the same fancy word, it’s really the same thing: making meaningful contact with people we could be at odds with, letting them know what our issues are, and giving them a fair hearing, as well. read more

Courtney Smith, Network Board Member
In thinking about why we engage in dialogue, my thoughts turned to a passage from one of my favorite books:

"The only true voyage of discovery, the only really rejuvenating experience,  would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to see the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to see the hundred universes that each of them sees, that each of them is."

The author, Marcel Proust, refers here to the experience of engaging oneself with a work of art in which, through a process he likens to alchemy, the artist conveys to others her or his own sense of meaning in the world.  Through dialogue we attempt to reach the same end, though instead of distilling our experiences and perspectives in works of art, we present them in person and work them out in a collaborative process.  Like reading a book or studying a painting, engaging in dialogue is predicated on the belief that we can learn from, and our lives can be enriched by, an attempt to understand the experiences of others.  In days dominated by sound bytes, noise, and competition, this sort of voyage of discovery, of truly listening and responding to another, is increasingly rare but perhaps even more precious.

Dympna Haber, RSHM
I find that the word "dialogue" is often used to mean that in either one-on-one or group discussion, each person can express his/her opinion while listening to each other. However, as I now understand the word "dialogue," the meaning is broader and more challenging. In dialogue the art of listening becomes a movement of being with the other person or in group not clinging to any given opinion at the time of listening, but letting go of personal thoughts, opinions, ideas, and simply and totally respecting and hearing with heart and mind.
read Dympna's essay on Dialogue

Virginia Dorgan, Executive Director
Dialogue is a bridge. Difference can lead to walls in which you keep safe; walls in which you hold others out.  Dialogue, on the contrary, is a bridge. Through dialogue you can chink away at walls; dialogue is an effort to meet another person. Consider the neighbor to whom you don't talk; consider the nations with which we are in conflict. Efforts at, and skills in dialogue are necessary to achieve greater unity and more peace.

Peggy Ray
It's easy to distinguish between debate and dialogue. Debate is argumentative, while dialogue involves listening well and trying to understand another's point of view.  There are no winners and losers in dialogue. But what's the difference between discussion and dialogue? In his book The Magic of Dialogue, Daniel Yankelovich identifies three features that distinguish between the two. To qualify as dialogue, 1) there must be a sense of equality among the participants, 2) participants must strive to listen with empathy to differing points of view, 3) participants must be willing to bring underlying assumptions into the open. That is, they must be able to accept accept challenges to deeply felt beliefs without becoming defensive or angry.

Karen Ross
To me, dialogue is an essential tool for gaining understanding of other cultures, backgrounds, opinions and points of view. The ability to listen actively and reflectively are essential for dialogue; so is awareness of our own biases and the willingness to examine these biases from many different angles.I don't think dialogue is about finding a "right" solution or even a solution at all. Rather, it's a way for each one of us to better understand one another and our belief systems, and hopefully grow more self-aware and tolerant in the process.

Kristen Zurek
I think that dialogue is not something that people practice much nowadays. Books are written on how people can talk to one another, communicate, compromise...but what we really need to do is simply learn to make dialogue. Thousands of years ago, Socrates spoke about dialogue as the one true form of conversation and thought of it as an art. Despite the passing of time, human nature hasn't changed, and dialogue remains the only way that people can begin to understand one another and form meaningful bonds. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong or what's true and false (who are we to judge?), but rather, it's about the search to find those things and the willingness to acknowlege the opposition. Dialogue, I suppose, means letting part of yourself go in order to let someone else in.